DOOMS Day Hello World, the Doctor is in … Could someone with a scrotum, testes and a penis please explain , why does it seem like relationships, monogamy and an intimate love affair with a woman equates to death or the end of the world. Isn’t love supposed to be celebratory or welcomed or revered? I asked my male BFF and he said simple “relationships are the end of the world.” I am baffled. Now, 2 out of 3 of my male BFFs are extremely trifflin and assholes, so that may be a tad bit irrelevant. It might be a lack of maturity but as stated this is baffling to me a tad bit disheartening. Just a thought … Until then I’m off … Making House.Calls

DOOMS Day

Hello World, the Doctor is in …

Could someone with a scrotum, testes and a penis please explain , why does it seem like relationships, monogamy and an intimate love affair with a woman equates to death or the end of the world. Isn’t love supposed to be celebratory or welcomed or revered? I asked my male BFF and he said simple “relationships are the end of the world.” I am baffled. Now, 2 out of 3 of my male BFFs are extremely trifflin and assholes, so that may be a tad bit irrelevant. It might be a lack of maturity but as stated this is baffling to me a tad bit disheartening.

Just a thought …

Until then I’m off … Making House.Calls

What’s in store for me Hello World … the Doctor is in … So I’ve been through my share of ups, downs, heart breaks and disappointments. But nothing has bothered me more than when someone you’re close friend dates someone you use to date/talk to or have relations with. Like that’s a slap in the face, c’mon son REALLY?!?!? It makes you think that they were plotting on your relationship or the demise of it especially when you told your friend about the guy, your feelings about him or etc. It also makes the guy look like a worthless piece of scum whore ass trash because you thought it was a good idea to date someone I was close too? Out of all the women on the planet you decided to date one I’m close to? #TRIFLIN BUT there is always sunshine at the end of the tunnel, and I see sunshine in the unsuccessfulness of these hook ups/relationships. (Maybe that’s bad but oh well) I always say “you can’t expect to reap the benefits of a task you gained through negative means.” In most cases those relationships don’t last and if they do they are rocky and unstable. Being that it has happened to me before; I see that God has or placed a more amazing, fine ass man in store for me. Thinking or knowing this rather puts things in so much more perspective. God removing a certain guy or person from my life is his way of saying “I got this” don’t fret, you’re blessing is coming. & I can dig it. Now you aren’t going to wake up with this clarity or positive perspective but hell it’s always good to see your negatives turn into positives. Just a thought … Until then I’m off … Making House.Calls

What’s in store for me

Hello World … the Doctor is in …

So I’ve been through my share of ups, downs, heart breaks and disappointments. But nothing has bothered me more than when someone you’re close friend dates someone you use to date/talk to or have relations with. Like that’s a slap in the face, c’mon son REALLY?!?!? It makes you think that they were plotting on your relationship or the demise of it especially when you told your friend about the guy, your feelings about him or etc. It also makes the guy look like a worthless piece of scum whore ass trash because you thought it was a good idea to date someone I was close too? Out of all the women on the planet you decided to date one I’m close to? #TRIFLIN
BUT there is always sunshine at the end of the tunnel, and I see sunshine in the unsuccessfulness of these hook ups/relationships. (Maybe that’s bad but oh well) I always say “you can’t expect to reap the benefits of a task you gained through negative means.” In most cases those relationships don’t last and if they do they are rocky and unstable. Being that it has happened to me before; I see that God has or placed a more amazing, fine ass man in store for me. Thinking or knowing this rather puts things in so much more perspective. God removing a certain guy or person from my life is his way of saying “I got this” don’t fret, you’re blessing is coming. & I can dig it.
Now you aren’t going to wake up with this clarity or positive perspective but hell it’s always good to see your negatives turn into positives.

Just a thought … Until then I’m off … Making House.Calls

1
Momma never said there would be days like this … Hello World the Doctor is in … WHO IN THE FCUK KNEW THAT YOUR LOVE LIFE IN YOUR 20s WOULD BE SO MOTHERFCUKIN COMPLICATED. SWEET LORD! EVERYTIME, I TALK TO MY MOTHER I WANT TO YELL AT HER FOR NOT TELLING ME HOW COMPLCATED MEN WERE GROWING UP. I NEEDED PREPARTION FOR THIS SHIT. What is it? Dear Lord, the ups, the downs and let us not forget the surplus hoes. In my teens I feel like all was well, I learned some lessons in hoes, fcuk niggery, not being so naïve and keeping my guard up. But by far I believe that my 20s has been a “WTF” OR “This man got me fcked up” OR “He gon learn today!” series of moments. At first I thought it was only the men I dated, but after several group chat convos and BFF venting session NO ONE I know is in a solid, title used monogamous commitment. MY PERSONAL OPINION … THIS SHIT IS STUPID. OK, OK, OK I get it… be young, free, and see the world. But your 20s also prepare you for 30s. Why let the love of your life in your 20s escapes you, if they were qualified for your 30s. Now everyone has maturing to do but it seems like some men I have encountered act like the 19 year old me. I’m 22 years old now and men really do progress SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLY. NOW this is where Karma/God and life lessons come into play. It makes me have to ask myself, “damn was I this DAMN difficult at 19, Sweet lord patience is a virtue, what or who made me grow up.” It also makes me think my first love or teacher isn’t my current or future so maybe I’m not this person current or future. (This kind of makes me sad) HELL WHO KNOWS. Its kind of like life repeats itself. When you were a toddler you had the terrible 2’s, now that your 20 you have the terrible 20s? Just a thought … Until then I’m off, making House.Calls 

Momma never said there would be days like this …

Hello World the Doctor is in …

WHO IN THE FCUK KNEW THAT YOUR LOVE LIFE IN YOUR 20s WOULD BE SO MOTHERFCUKIN COMPLICATED. SWEET LORD! EVERYTIME, I TALK TO MY MOTHER I WANT TO YELL AT HER FOR NOT TELLING ME HOW COMPLCATED MEN WERE GROWING UP. I NEEDED PREPARTION FOR THIS SHIT. What is it? Dear Lord, the ups, the downs and let us not forget the surplus hoes. In my teens I feel like all was well, I learned some lessons in hoes, fcuk niggery, not being so naïve and keeping my guard up. But by far I believe that my 20s has been a “WTF” OR “This man got me fcked up” OR “He gon learn today!” series of moments.

At first I thought it was only the men I dated, but after several group chat convos and BFF venting session NO ONE I know is in a solid, title used monogamous commitment.

MY PERSONAL OPINION … THIS SHIT IS STUPID.

OK, OK, OK I get it… be young, free, and see the world. But your 20s also prepare you for 30s. Why let the love of your life in your 20s escapes you, if they were qualified for your 30s. Now everyone has maturing to do but it seems like some men I have encountered act like the 19 year old me. I’m 22 years old now and men really do progress SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLY.

NOW this is where Karma/God and life lessons come into play. It makes me have to ask myself, “damn was I this DAMN difficult at 19, Sweet lord patience is a virtue, what or who made me grow up.” It also makes me think my first love or teacher isn’t my current or future so maybe I’m not this person current or future. (This kind of makes me sad)

HELL WHO KNOWS.

Its kind of like life repeats itself. When you were a toddler you had the terrible 2’s, now that your 20 you have the terrible 20s?

Just a thought … Until then I’m off, making House.Calls 

Seasons Change Hello World … the Doctor is in… So a year ago today, I attended the planning committee for my sorority, prepared for my first day of school for my last year in college, got into a bad argument and officially broke up with my college sweetheart of three years. Needless to say it’s crazy what happens in a year, who you meet, who comes along and what moments or decisions change the outcome of the plans that you once had. If you would have told me my freshman year me and my first college sweetheart wouldn’t have been together now, I probably would have told you, you were crazy and that was some bullshit. I planned to marry this man and all that stuff. Now LOL, we’re not together and although we have an unspoken kinda weird relationship that I greatly appreciate and I still LOVE HIM TO DEATH; I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. Those days are completely over and I can say I am pleasantly happy with current love life and I hope, pray and wish within a year time span more happiness comes from my current relationship. What’s also crazy to me is the fact that I met my second college sweetheart my senior year in college. I must have been on bath salts because people don’t genuinely fall in love there last year in school. That’s when you have fun and be adventurous, not get wifed up or settle down. But hey, everything happens for a reason. Right? My reasoning for writing this is because I was having a convo with my BFF and I realized that my ex and I had broken up today one year ago and our 4 year anniversary would have been 8/14 of this year. Pretty crazy to me. I remember so vividly convos, adventures, moments, laughs all that … most of them crossed my mind today. Funny how the seasons change … All these things happen, all these I’ve done for a reason…don’t you go on throw it all away , when the seasons change … Oh oh oh…

Seasons Change

Hello World … the Doctor is in…

So a year ago today, I attended the planning committee for my
sorority, prepared for my first day of school for my last year in
college, got into a bad argument and officially broke up with my
college sweetheart of three years. Needless to say it’s crazy what
happens in a year, who you meet, who comes along and what moments or decisions change the outcome of the plans that you once had.
If you would have told me my freshman year me and my first college sweetheart wouldn’t have been together now, I probably would have told you, you were crazy and that was some bullshit. I planned to marry this man and all that stuff. Now LOL, we’re not together and although
we have an unspoken kinda weird relationship that I greatly appreciate
and I still LOVE HIM TO DEATH; I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE.
Those days are completely over and I can say I am pleasantly happy
with current love life and I hope, pray and wish within a year time
span more happiness comes from my current relationship. What’s also
crazy to me is the fact that I met my second college sweetheart my
senior year in college. I must have been on bath salts because people
don’t genuinely fall in love there last year in school. That’s when
you have fun and be adventurous, not get wifed up or settle down. But
hey, everything happens for a reason.

Right?

My reasoning for writing this is because I was having a convo with my BFF and I realized that my ex and I had broken up today one year ago
and our 4 year anniversary would have been 8/14 of this year. Pretty
crazy to me. I remember so vividly convos, adventures, moments, laughs all that … most of them crossed my mind today. Funny how the seasons
change …

All these things happen, all these I’ve done for a reason…don’t you
go on throw it all away , when the seasons change … Oh oh oh…

Select Title Hello world … the Doctor is in … Have you ever filled out an online application and they have an entry field which asks you to select your title and you may choose “Mr., Ms. Miss, Mrs. Dr. Esq. and etc”. My point is titles are important in the world. How you address someone is important, because it states their role, their importance and etc. WHICH explains why primarily women like titles. Its a great feeling to be able to walk around to know that you are a mom, a sister, aunt, wife, girlfriend and etc.  BUT when not giving those titles does it make you feel less than a woman?  Titles don’t make the relationship the people do however, I believe that titles signify the severity of the relationship as well as provide necessary roles and boundaries which are beneficial to the relationships. They also provide status which explains the person’s “high rank of social standing”. THUS women and most people like titles! This explains why Dr.’s like to be called doctors because it shows rank, speciality and its like a medal of honor after spending years in school. The same sort of applies with relationships! being called someones girlfriend, wife, boyfriend and or husband is like a badge of honor of your love.  No one wants to feel like they are in limbo of what to be referred  to as, and naming is everything as well, there is a huge difference between your friend, your boo, your lover and etc. (i’m just saying) So in essence titles mean ALOT SOMETIMES. No one wants to feel like they are settlings or deprived of something in a relationship.  Hmph … Just a thought … Until then I’m off …  Making HOUSE.CALLS 

Select Title

Hello world … the Doctor is in …

Have you ever filled out an online application and they have an entry

field which asks you to select your title and you may choose “Mr., Ms.

Miss, Mrs. Dr. Esq. and etc”. My point is titles are important in the

world. How you address someone is important, because it states their

role, their importance and etc. WHICH explains why primarily women like titles. Its a great feeling to be able to walk around to know that you are a mom, a sister, aunt, wife, girlfriend and etc. 

BUT when not giving those titles does it make you feel less than a woman? 

Titles don’t make the relationship the people do however, I believe that titles signify the severity of the relationship as well as provide necessary roles and boundaries which are beneficial to the relationships. They also provide status which explains the person’s “high rank of social standing”. THUS women and most people like titles! This explains why Dr.’s like to be called doctors because it shows rank, speciality and its like a medal of honor after spending years in school. The same sort of applies with relationships! being called someones girlfriend, wife, boyfriend and or husband is like a badge of honor of your love. 

No one wants to feel like they are in limbo of what to be referred  to as, and naming is everything as well, there is a huge difference between your friend, your boo, your lover and etc. (i’m just saying)

So in essence titles mean ALOT SOMETIMES. No one wants to feel like they are settlings or deprived of something in a relationship. 

Hmph … Just a thought … Until then I’m off … 

Making HOUSE.CALLS 

1
Priceline Negotiator Hello World … the Doctor is in… So looking at the Priceline Negotiator app, it seems as if you put in a bid for an airline price and you go accordingly with the one which best suits what you are looking for. It’s kind of like a relationship (well at least to me), you are constantly biding your opinion or yourself in hopes that your mate will understand or that you get the mate that you want. Recently I’ve been going through some “negotiations” of my own. The guy I’m dating doesn’t necessarily agree with my life before him. Not that my lifestyle was crazy …maybe a tad bit more liberal than what he’s use too BUT I’m semi-conservative when it comes to certain matters. Some of his request are dually noted, others I just don’t agree with. But like every negotiation I guess you have to put in your bid right? I think that negotiations are cool but they have to benefit both humans. I also believe that at the end of the day you may not like or agree with things your significant other does but if you address the issue and that issue provided no negative insight over your relationship, then it is irrelevant to the livelihood of it and its stupid. Hmph … Just a thought until then I’m off … making HOUSE.CALLS.

Priceline Negotiator


Hello World … the Doctor is in…


So looking at the Priceline Negotiator app, it seems as if you put in
a bid for an airline price and you go accordingly with the one which
best suits what you are looking for. It’s kind of like a relationship
(well at least to me), you are constantly biding your opinion or
yourself in hopes that your mate will understand or that you get the
mate that you want. Recently I’ve been going through some “negotiations” of my own. The
guy I’m dating doesn’t necessarily agree with my life before him. Not
that my lifestyle was crazy …maybe a tad bit more liberal than what
he’s use too BUT I’m semi-conservative when it comes to certain
matters. Some of his request are dually noted, others I just don’t
agree with. But like every negotiation I guess you have to put in your
bid right? I think that negotiations are cool but they have to benefit
both humans. I also believe that at the end of the day you may not
like or agree with things your significant other does but if you
address the issue and that issue provided no negative insight over
your relationship, then it is irrelevant to the livelihood of it and
its stupid.


Hmph … Just a thought until then I’m off … making HOUSE.CALLS.

Match Maker Match maker match maker make me a match, find me a find catch me a catch. Hello World … The doctor is in  … and I think I’ve been caught. I think I may have met my male match. Usually I’m the “crazy” one in a relationship; the more outspoken, brazen and outgoing one. But THIS time, oh THIS time, it’s quite different. I think I’ve found someone who is just like me. Now he’s not outspoken, brazen or as outgoing as me but sweet lord baby Jesus he is THE BIGGEST JACKASS I KNOW  AND CRAZY. I like it though, it has me a little apprehensive but it’s crazy to think of or even to deal with but it’s kind of gratifying too. It gives me patience and helps me see what I need to mature and grow on in life. Dating him makes me reminisce about how I was, when I was premature to love. It also makes me think astrological signs are REAL (we’re both Scorpios by birthday is 5 days before his). Hmmm … I’m happy though; let’s just hope we’re not too crazy together. … Just a thought until then I’m off … making HOUSE.CALLS. Match maker match maker make me a match, find me a find catch me a catch.

Match Maker

Match maker match maker make me a match, find me a find catch me a catch.


Hello World … 
The doctor is in  … and I think I’ve been caught. I think I may have met

my male match. Usually I’m the “crazy” one in a relationship; the more
outspoken, brazen and outgoing one. But THIS time, oh THIS time, it’s
quite different. I think I’ve found someone who is just like me. Now
he’s not outspoken, brazen or as outgoing as me but sweet lord baby
Jesus he is THE BIGGEST JACKASS I KNOW  AND CRAZY. I like it though, it has me a little apprehensive but it’s crazy to think of or even to deal with but it’s kind of
gratifying too. It gives me patience and helps me see what I need to
mature and grow on in life. Dating him makes me reminisce about how I
was, when I was premature to love. It also makes me think astrological
signs are REAL (we’re both Scorpios by birthday is 5 days before his).
Hmmm … I’m happy though; let’s just hope we’re not too crazy together.


… Just a thought until then I’m off … making HOUSE.CALLS.


Match maker match maker make me a match, find me a find catch me a catch.

PARTNA let ME upgrade you. Hello World … The Doctor is in … Life is about growth; hence the relationships you encounter and engage in should promote your growth. THUS IT IRRITATES MY SOUL WHEN I ENCOUNTER A MAN WHOSE EX GIRLFRIEND HAS NOT EVOKED ANY TYPE OF GROWTH AND OR PROGRESS. WHAT IN THE HELL WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BASED ON? ARE WE STILL 5YEARS OLD IN A SANDBOX? OR WERE YOU JUST A BASIC BROAD? I MEAN DAMN. Every guy I have ever dated has been pretty much groomed by their past girlfriends, little habits that they do because they are embedded into the memory. However recently I’ve noticed that some females drop the ball. Now as a girlfriend it is NOT your job to serve as any man’s mother, wife (until propose to), provider and etc. BUT you are suppose to make you man into a suitable mate for others after you (if your relationship ends).  This deed is reciprocal; your ex’s is or was supposed to contribute to the betterment of you in another relationship. Truthfully speaking, my ex contributed to the being I am today. The weaknesses I harbored during out relationship are things that I have or that I am working on in a new relationship to make sure that I am a compatible for my next guy. It’s like the Fabulous song “You make me Better” … “I’m a movement by myself … But I’m a force when we’re together… Mami I’m good all by myself …But baby you, you make me better.” You SHOULD BECOME BETTER, WHY BECAUSE YOUR EX IS SUPPOSE TO FOSTER THAT IN YOU! Like I said recently, I haven’t seen much being fostered in men, is that they were scorn during the relationship? Do you men not care anymore after that person has become your ex? Or did your ex not do that for you? In one particular case I feel like this man wasn’t fostered correctly. The only thing I see is reservation, retardation (not mentally but in the sense of being held back), and a blank template to be built upon.  Having a blank template to build upon is a good thing you can start out fresh but start out slow (which can be annoying, but you’ll survive). So in essence all I’m saying is its proper relationship etiquette and beneficial to foster the growth of a person in a relationship, regardless of which person (male or female) it’s geared towards. I t makes the job of the new boo easier. Just a lil thought … Until then I’m off … Making House.Calls

PARTNA let ME upgrade you.

Hello World … The Doctor is in …

Life is about growth; hence the relationships you encounter and engage in should promote your growth. THUS IT IRRITATES MY SOUL WHEN I ENCOUNTER A MAN WHOSE EX GIRLFRIEND HAS NOT EVOKED ANY TYPE OF GROWTH AND OR PROGRESS. WHAT IN THE HELL WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BASED ON? ARE WE STILL 5YEARS OLD IN A SANDBOX? OR WERE YOU JUST A BASIC BROAD? I MEAN DAMN.

Every guy I have ever dated has been pretty much groomed by their past girlfriends, little habits that they do because they are embedded into the memory. However recently I’ve noticed that some females drop the ball. Now as a girlfriend it is NOT your job to serve as any man’s mother, wife (until propose to), provider and etc. BUT you are suppose to make you man into a suitable mate for others after you (if your relationship ends).  This deed is reciprocal; your ex’s is or was supposed to contribute to the betterment of you in another relationship. Truthfully speaking, my ex contributed to the being I am today. The weaknesses I harbored during out relationship are things that I have or that I am working on in a new relationship to make sure that I am a compatible for my next guy.

It’s like the Fabulous song “You make me Better” … “I’m a movement by myself … But I’m a force when we’re together… Mami I’m good all by myself …But baby you, you make me better.” You SHOULD BECOME BETTER, WHY BECAUSE YOUR EX IS SUPPOSE TO FOSTER THAT IN YOU! Like I said recently, I haven’t seen much being fostered in men, is that they were scorn during the relationship? Do you men not care anymore after that person has become your ex? Or did your ex not do that for you? In one particular case I feel like this man wasn’t fostered correctly. The only thing I see is reservation, retardation (not mentally but in the sense of being held back), and a blank template to be built upon.  Having a blank template to build upon is a good thing you can start out fresh but start out slow (which can be annoying, but you’ll survive). So in essence all I’m saying is its proper relationship etiquette and beneficial to foster the growth of a person in a relationship, regardless of which person (male or female) it’s geared towards. I t makes the job of the new boo easier.

Just a lil thought … Until then I’m off … Making House.Calls

Stay TWATCHING. Hello World … The Doctor is in … I am an avid user of social media and someone who doesn’t believe that TWATCHING is really TWATCHING, unless drastic measures were being taken. In my book TWATCHING, is simply staying in the know (now you maybe be considered KNOisy) but nonetheless it’s always good to keep yourself informed. So in my efforts to stay informed I found out some things that I particularly didn’t like. I think that when it comes to matters of the heart you should exercise discretion and tact. I saw some tweets from an old flame and it made me think, WTF? Some of the things he said made me question why I had wanted to be in a relationship again. No w granted everyone is entitled to state their opinions, ideas, notions, antics, rants and etc. openly on Twitter, Facebook BUT when you click send  or post your opinions, ideas, notions, antics, rants and etc. online  ARE NO LONGER YOUR OWN. They are open and up for discussion and review especially from someone, like me, who is always in the know. People are always watching what you have to say and especially your reactions to different situations. Thus in my opinion it’s better to save some tweets for later or a note in your phone. Trust me I know how X-RATED my mouth and thoughts can get, so I just put all the insane things I say in a note, laugh about it and keep it pushing. Never would I put anything explicit on Twitter just because I can, because I am an adult, and grown and blah blah. You look bad. You never who is really TWATCHING you, be careful of what you say. You might just rub someone the wrong way. Until Then I’m off.. Making … HOUSE. CALLS

Stay TWATCHING.

Hello World … The Doctor is in …

I am an avid user of social media and someone who doesn’t believe that TWATCHING is really TWATCHING, unless drastic measures were being taken. In my book TWATCHING, is simply staying in the know (now you maybe be considered KNOisy) but nonetheless it’s always good to keep yourself informed. So in my efforts to stay informed I found out some things that I particularly didn’t like.

I think that when it comes to matters of the heart you should exercise discretion and tact. I saw some tweets from an old flame and it made me think, WTF? Some of the things he said made me question why I had wanted to be in a relationship again. No w granted everyone is entitled to state their opinions, ideas, notions, antics, rants and etc. openly on Twitter, Facebook BUT when you click send  or post your opinions, ideas, notions, antics, rants and etc. online  ARE NO LONGER YOUR OWN. They are open and up for discussion and review especially from someone, like me, who is always in the know.

People are always watching what you have to say and especially your reactions to different situations. Thus in my opinion it’s better to save some tweets for later or a note in your phone. Trust me I know how X-RATED my mouth and thoughts can get, so I just put all the insane things I say in a note, laugh about it and keep it pushing. Never would I put anything explicit on Twitter just because I can, because I am an adult, and grown and blah blah. You look bad.

You never who is really TWATCHING you, be careful of what you say. You might just rub someone the wrong way.

Until Then I’m off.. Making … HOUSE. CALLS

Look what you’ve done. Hello world the Doctor is in … This sh*t real, should I pinch you? After all the things that we been through, I got you Look what you’ve done, look what you’ve done … This is how I feel about my past relationship. Like the amount of ill feelings for one another is unreal. And no I’m not bashing him, “lurking” seeking help and or guidance I’m just writing because I got the urge to do so after thinking. So for all those who read my shit and have something to say I’m giving you a precursor before you even go run and tell that home boy! But the reason why me and my ex broke up is me. I admittedly admit that. But apart of me messing up the relationship comes with tainting him and the perspective he has for me. The person I knew who was trying to pursue me was funny, a tad bit wild, bright, open and kind hearted. He also use to dress his ass off too. Now I feel like I tainted him. His heart is soooo cold, the things he says are even colder and I feel like I’ve added to the angry moments, ” I told you so’s” and ill feelings to someone he really loves and trusted. Every time we have an issue I always think to myself “This sh*t real, should I pinch you?” I can’t believe that I took someone and tainted them so much. Now I don’t put all the blame on myself because he could have been this way when I first met him but hid it because he was trying to pursue me or maybe I just added to the bitterness in which he hid.  I feel bad because I may have tainted this man’s idea of love and the sanctity of the truth for forever. And now I feel like he is lashing out. Some of the shit he says is just crazy. I don’t get it and hell its no longer my place to try. But I would hate for the next to be screwed because of his best … you know? (Cocky moment) But I guess this is one thing kills me because I hate hurting people; especially people I love or who mean a lot to me. I feel like i failed him too. I was suppose to be his everything .. hell his future wife but because of my selfishness I fucked that up. I think I could have a settled heart if I knew he would or could forgive me. But I know that is out of the question. He didn’t really having a forgiving heart from the jump BUT now I know he’s hurting and he may not forgive me for that. SMH … it seems like people who I really like or love I heart the most.  I also hurt another guy. I didn’t mean to but in times pressure I flake. That’s my issue. I can say so much stuff but when I feel like I will hurt someone I hold all my emotion in and try to cover it up so I wont hurt them. But in actuality I wind up hurting guys even more. SMH. I’m convinced I’m not made for love.  Look what you’ve done, look what you’ve done … House.Calls

Look what you’ve done.

Hello world the Doctor is in …

This sh*t real, should I pinch you?
After all the things that we been through, I got you
Look what you’ve done, look what you’ve done …

This is how I feel about my past relationship. Like the amount of ill feelings for one another is unreal. And no I’m not bashing him, “lurking” seeking help and or guidance I’m just writing because I got the urge to do so after thinking. So for all those who read my shit and have something to say I’m giving you a precursor before you even go run and tell that home boy!

But the reason why me and my ex broke up is me. I admittedly admit that. But apart of me messing up the relationship comes with tainting him and the perspective he has for me. The person I knew who was trying to pursue me was funny, a tad bit wild, bright, open and kind hearted. He also use to dress his ass off too. Now I feel like I tainted him. His heart is soooo cold, the things he says are even colder and I feel like I’ve added to the angry moments, ” I told you so’s” and ill feelings to someone he really loves and trusted. Every time we have an issue I always think to myself “This sh*t real, should I pinch you?” I can’t believe that I took someone and tainted them so much. Now I don’t put all the blame on myself because he could have been this way when I first met him but hid it because he was trying to pursue me or maybe I just added to the bitterness in which he hid. 

I feel bad because I may have tainted this man’s idea of love and the sanctity of the truth for forever. And now I feel like he is lashing out. Some of the shit he says is just crazy. I don’t get it and hell its no longer my place to try. But I would hate for the next to be screwed because of his best … you know? (Cocky moment) But I guess this is one thing kills me because I hate hurting people; especially people I love or who mean a lot to me. I feel like i failed him too. I was suppose to be his everything .. hell his future wife but because of my selfishness I fucked that up. I think I could have a settled heart if I knew he would or could forgive me. But I know that is out of the question. He didn’t really having a forgiving heart from the jump BUT now I know he’s hurting and he may not forgive me for that.

SMH … it seems like people who I really like or love I heart the most. 

I also hurt another guy. I didn’t mean to but in times pressure I flake. That’s my issue. I can say so much stuff but when I feel like I will hurt someone I hold all my emotion in and try to cover it up so I wont hurt them. But in actuality I wind up hurting guys even more. SMH. I’m convinced I’m not made for love. 

Look what you’ve done, look what you’ve done …

House.Calls

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The tap out … Hello world … the Doctor’s in … Call me crazy, stupid, bitter, simple or just speaking from my ass but after this relationSHIT I never want to be in relationship again. LIKE EVER AGAIN, not even marriage.  I AM TAPPING MYSELF OUT THE GAME. Why you may ask? Its toooooooooooooooooooo much; the ups and downs, the sharing, the emotion … NOT FOR ME.  Maybe I’m speaking from a bitter place but I know what I want and a relationship to that multitude is not it. Now don’t get me wrong do I miss the “I love you’s”, pet names and tender kisses only exclusive to me, memories, laughs, giggles, and inside jokes but all of this pails in to comparison of the break up, broken hearted tears. Another reason is why settle for someone who I know I’m not meant to be with anyway, because I already have in my mind the person I want to marry BUT they don’t want me. I don’t want to sound promiscuous but if I can be exclusively intimate with a person without a title for the rest of my life I’m GOOD. People say “don’t let one person ruin your experience” or “stop it your being dramatic” BUT fuck all that … I’m being smart why got through all of that shit again … the honeymoon phase, the growing pains and etc. I’m avoiding it all … So I’m off the market no more love and relationSHIT for me! HMPH MAKING … House.Calls

The tap out …

Hello world … the Doctor’s in …

Call me crazy, stupid, bitter, simple or just speaking from my ass but after this relationSHIT I never want to be in relationship again. LIKE EVER AGAIN, not even marriage.  I AM TAPPING MYSELF OUT THE GAME. Why you may ask? Its toooooooooooooooooooo much; the ups and downs, the sharing, the emotion … NOT FOR ME.  Maybe I’m speaking from a bitter place but I know what I want and a relationship to that multitude is not it. Now don’t get me wrong do I miss the “I love you’s”, pet names and tender kisses only exclusive to me, memories, laughs, giggles, and inside jokes but all of this pails in to comparison of the break up, broken hearted tears. Another reason is why settle for someone who I know I’m not meant to be with anyway, because I already have in my mind the person I want to marry BUT they don’t want me. I don’t want to sound promiscuous but if I can be exclusively intimate with a person without a title for the rest of my life I’m GOOD.

People say “don’t let one person ruin your experience” or “stop it your being dramatic” BUT fuck all that … I’m being smart why got through all of that shit again … the honeymoon phase, the growing pains and etc. I’m avoiding it all … So I’m off the market no more love and relationSHIT for me!

HMPH

MAKING … House.Calls

Why do we fall in love? Hello World … the Doctor’s in …  Break ups are the L … it makes me crazy when I wonder why we go through all of this. Like when you date someone or like someone … you move further why don’t you stop yourself and say wait this may go bad why am I doing this, why should I fall in love!? I guess its the human curiosity that probes us. But I can’t deal … I know its better to love and lost, than to never love at all BUT this shit is soooo draining and HELL IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Like after being a long term relationship for so long … I feel like I am incapable of being in love with anyone else BUT myself for a while. I’ve even began to enjoy my only solitude. Normally I am always with people or surrounded by people so the fact that I can even extract myself to be alone is a wow factor in my book. Just the other day I went to run errands by myself, I sat in Panera and ate by myself and then I went home. But learning to be by myself is quite liberating. Its helping me recognize that its ok to be alone. Hell I might be this way for some years to come now.  But I don’t understand why we as human fall in love when we know that there is a chance that its going to be temporary. Maybe its the fact that it is a “chance” that its temporary … because there is a chance it could be forever. SMH I can’t deal with this. I’m off love.  Until then … I’m off …  Making House.Calls 

Why do we fall in love?

Hello World … the Doctor’s in … 

Break ups are the L … it makes me crazy when I wonder why we go through all of this. Like when you date someone or like someone … you move further why don’t you stop yourself and say wait this may go bad why am I doing this, why should I fall in love!? I guess its the human curiosity that probes us. But I can’t deal … I know its better to love and lost, than to never love at all BUT this shit is soooo draining and HELL IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Like after being a long term relationship for so long … I feel like I am incapable of being in love with anyone else BUT myself for a while.

I’ve even began to enjoy my only solitude. Normally I am always with people or surrounded by people so the fact that I can even extract myself to be alone is a wow factor in my book. Just the other day I went to run errands by myself, I sat in Panera and ate by myself and then I went home. But learning to be by myself is quite liberating. Its helping me recognize that its ok to be alone. Hell I might be this way for some years to come now. 

But I don’t understand why we as human fall in love when we know that there is a chance that its going to be temporary. Maybe its the fact that it is a “chance” that its temporary … because there is a chance it could be forever. SMH I can’t deal with this. I’m off love. 

Until then … I’m off … 

Making House.Calls 

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